I'm kind of jumping into this story.... but I shared a bit of my personal healing journey in a live call with Marisa Peer in her personal development program, I Am Enough this week and wanted to share a bit of that here too. You can listen to the 12-minute clip here!
In September, 3 weeks before my wedding, I was diagnosed with stage 4 triple-negative inflammatory breast cancer. Apparently super rare, most cancer doctors don't encounter it or only have 3 patients in their whole career. I kept focusing on the words and the pictures in my mind to ask for the best care team to support me - and asking Dad to help arrange it from the spirit realm. I connected with a great hospital an hour from my house with a team that specializes in the “rare” breast cancer I am experiencing! The first doctors told me I’d be going on palliative chemo…. chemo until I die. NOT okay with me as an about to be married for the first time 34 year old! The specialist team I connected with matched my upbeat hopeful mindset, and is attacking the cancer as if it’s stage 3, aggressively and hopeful!
Marisa Peer's work has helped me SO much in training my mindset and thoughts - and life! I fully believe that the cancer I am currently experiencing is my body Releasing (like detoxing) from all the emotional healing through RTT sessions and other self-work over the past 6 years. And it’s okay - and I’ll be okay! I of course had a great RTT session myself with my colleague Christy Bartelt that really helped to investigate the messages from my body, and received a personalized healing vortex recording from Marisa Peer, because I work for her school.
I was really afraid of having chemo, knowing that it is toxic poison (even my oncologist just used those words) that wipes out all your good stuff in addition to all the bad stuff. My Dad, who helped a lot of people reverse stage 4 cancer naturally after reading their blood and providing nutritional guidance, would say 'people don't survive cancer, you can heal that. They survive chemo.' It was clear from my diagnosis and the aggressiveness of the cancer, that I would have to do chemo. So I decided if that's what I needed, that I was going to have a positive-healing experience. I am doing a lot to support my health body with healthy clean eating and getting the supplements that will help support me. I listen daily to a healing vortex meditation focusing my mind and commanding my body to do 💚 Wellness only Wellness 💚. I command and direct the chemo to only focus on the cancer and that my body receives it well.
In explaining my situation to my autistic cousin, I said “Medicine is supposed to help you feel better, and I'm getting special medicine to help me feel extra better.” So that became part of my mindset around the experience. Instead of expecting chemo to make me feel bad - I had a 2-hour educational class and a full binder of all the negative side effects, I am deciding to have good reactions, commanding the chemo to do what it’s supposed to do to the cancer, and get my body as healthy as I can to stay feeling good!
On Monday, I lost a LOT of hair in the shower. And decided yup I was shaving my head. I prepped myself for this first by chopping my beautiful long locks to a 'chemo pixie.' I saved my healthy hair in case I wanted to make a wig of it for myself later. My hair has always been my favorite and most notable physical feature. I have always had long auburn hair. I thought I would have more difficult feelings about shaving my head - but my husband and I had fun with it. He agreed to shave his majestic beard - a notable feature that he’s had for about 10 years and the whole time I’ve known him. And we joked that these are our Witness Protection disguises and came up with fun names for each other, Blythe (meaning joyful spirit) and Mutt (a la Schitt's Creek, Alexis's boyfriend Mutt shaving his beard). October 7th November 7th
So far, my chemo treatments have all gone really smoothly and I can see the healing happening! When I started chemo, I had a golf ball-sized lump protruding from my breast that was so deep purple it almost looked black (not pictured at its worst). And now, within a month, it is flat to my body, still a little hard underneath, and a pale pinky/tan color! My breast on my wedding was as big and hard as a softball - and now it is softer again and much closer to my normal breast size! Everyday, I am commanding and directing my thoughts and emotions to be focused on healing and releasing.
Some of the language I use that are applicable to all ailments or issues:
“the” cancer not “my” cancer
Releasing the ownership and connection of “mine” which holds onto things and claims ownership …. my husband, my house, my job.
I am “experiencing” cancer - not “have” cancer.
An experience is temporary. All of our emotions are temporary. I am currently experiencing this healing crisis or journey, but it won’t last forever. Just like I may experience heartbreak, or anxiety, or anger. I’m not holding onto it - just experiencing it. Having something is another holding connecting word.
I am “RELEASING” this cancer - not “battling/fighting” cancer.
A battle or fight is something you can win or lose. I am not going to lose this “battle” - this healing crisis or journey. So I am not going to give the language, images, or story I tell myself, or my body that option. Releasing can only go in one direction - OUT! When we release emotions, we process them out. When we detox our bodies, we are Releasing toxins OUT of our body. I am RELEASING this cancer OUT of my body.
I’m also doing things to integrate the messages from my healing audio and reflect the words and pictures I want to use and associate with to reflect around me!
I love making inspirational images for myself and my clients to use as phone backgrounds - you can do this really easily in canva.com or other easy social media graphic-making sites. The image I chose is from my recent wedding. I’m on a bluff at my soul’s place and the wind encompassed my veil all around me - and it LOOKS like a healing vortex! I wrote “wellness only wellness” on it and have it as the background of my phone. You can of course, use any inspirational image you find, a picture you took that makes you feel good. A good site for free images you can use is unsplash.com.
I LOVE wearing totems that reflect transformational/uplifting language back to me. Much like wearing a wedding band, physical totems are great reminders of the words, feelings, and commitment we make to ourselves and our transformations. So I ordered a custom ring from Etsy with the words “wellness only wellness” on it! I also love mantrabands.com for bracelets and necklaces. But there are a Lot of options out there with inspirational words already included. But it could be anything - a rubberband - as long as you are embuing it with your intention and mantra. The great part about totems is that eventually, at some point of the day, you will unconsciously touch it or fidget with it - and that is your subconscious mind tuning into those messages. Reminding you to pay attention to your focus, new belief, transformation! So far my journey, though daunting, has gone really well. I understand and am fully aware that things may not continue to be easy as the treatment wears on…. but I am setting the expectation that it will. BUT when/if it does, I’m not going to shame myself or beat myself up that I failed myself. That my mindset wasn’t strong or good enough. Or what I'm doing isn't enough. I will continue to remind myself that I am doing wellness only wellness, I am Releasing this cancer, and I am and will continue having a beautiful life through and after this!